Humor Me
by Marx810
Summary: Gut Feeling AU Just a one-shot of if things had gone a little darker with Dave and Hailey and how Dave is forced to deal with the situation. Rated M for dark themes and language.


_(A/N: This story is weird. It starts weird and it ends weird lol. But it's the story I wanted to write. Most likely because I've been playing way too much Doki Doki Literature Club. That includes getting the good ending, playing the After Monika mod and I'm the process of the mod where you can actually save everyone so I think that put my head in a dark place and this story was born. Anyway, as the description says, this is basically just am alternate ending to Gut Feeling if help hadn't shown up when it did. Just a weird little one-shot._

 _For those curious why my updates are still really sporadic, it's because I'm stretching myself a bit. I'm doing stories here, a few original ones on Literotica, and I'm planning to have at the very least a first draft of a novel done by the end of the year, fingers crossed. Anyway, hope you all enjoy the story for what it is. Or not, lol I know for a fact some(a lot) people are going to hate it. It's all good.)_

* * *

It wasn't a very busy night. Dave made this look a lot easier than it really was. Sure, he said that every night wasn't a full-on slugfest and with costumes still being outlawed that you could search and search and even have to let the occasional thing go because it's just too risky. You have to be smart about it.

Hit Girl sighed. For the moment anyway, it was just something she was going to have to get used to. Some laughter caught her attention in the distance. It was probably nothing but Hit Girl was bored, and the laughter sounded sinister so she just decided to roll the dice and see what happened.

To her glee, it was a mugging. Wait…she shouldn't be happy about that, right? She was a hero now. A slow night was supposed to be a good thing. This was bad and she had to act accordingly despite how happy she was to actually have something to do.

Staying to the shadows, Hit Girl surveyed the situation. Two big guys, one with a gun, the other with a knife, and the victim, a girl cowering in fear in the corner of the alley. The one with the gun was obviously the most dangerous and needed to be taken out first. Reaching carefully, Hit Girl grabbed a trash can lid and threw it towards the one with the gun, instantly hiding behind the trash can and glancing to see how she did out of their view.

"What the FUCK?!" The gun man howled in pain turning roughly to the source. "Who did that?!" The one who had a knife pulled out a gun as well, also pointing it towards the opening of the alley. Neither seemed to know exactly where Hit Girl was so she used the darkness to her advantage, giving the trashcan a hard kick towards them and dashing from the other side of the alley.

Of course, they aimed at the trashcan first and that gave Hit Girl an opening. She didn't really like using guns to be honest. Blades were more personal but not dying was more important than personal preference so she unholstered her weapon and one shot later it was a one on one bout as the other one groaned on the ground. The remaining goon was clearly the smarter of the two and he reached for the girl and used her as a shield.

"Okay, hero. You're going to put down that gun. Now! Or this little bitch is going to get a new hole." He growled menacingly.

"Please….please don't…" The girl pleaded.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He roared. "Gun!"

"Okay okay!" Hit Girl threw up her hands in surrender. "I'm the one you want. Just let the girl go."

"I don't think so. Get over here, Sweet Tits. Maybe I'll have to take it out of your ass too!" He threatened.

Hit Girl blinked, looking down at the other guy, who was curled on the floor whimpering in pain, gripping his stomach. "I think your friend needs some medical help."

A shot rang out and the other goon was out of his misery and Hit Girl was once more in the gun's sights. "Not anymore, bitch. Our gang doesn't need any pussies." He flashed Hit Girl a sinister grin. "Speaking of pussies…I'm not gonna tell you to get over here again. I want to get a better look at that rack on you…"

Upon hearing the comment, Hit Girl's eyes immediately widened maniacally. "My 'rack' is not _yours_ to ogle, you pathetic, wretched, impotent piece of shit-stained useless _waste of space_!" She shrieked, pulling out a second gun and bringing the fight to a close. As the attacker fell, Hit Girl continued to shoot him, emptying the clip. Her eyes were wide, her teeth were bared and feral and remained so until a telltale clicking noise indicated that her weapon was out of ammo, and then did she acknowledge the victim, who was cowering again.

"What the _fuck_ are you still doing here?" Hit Girl snarled, "He broke your legs or something?" The girl immediately bolted, which reminded Hit Girl that that was a lot of shots. Not exactly stealthy. Reckless. Stupid. She needed to control herself better. She needed to run as well just in case cops heard all that.

Taking the fire escape, Hit Girl reached the roof and then she ran for it. Luck was on her side and she got to her hideout with no problems. She wasn't half bad at this. "Hi Sweety!" She announced as she closed the door behind her. There was no response.

This put her on edge and she immediately ran to him in the next room before breathing a sigh of relief. Dave was still tied to the chair where she left him. He looked up at her with the glare to end all glares.

"Will you behave if I take off the gag?" Hit Girl asked, taking off her mask and wig.

Dave just continued to silently glare and then refused eye contact altogether.

"I don't know why you're being all pouty with me. I'm trying here. I left the TV on for you, and I even took over your patrols so that you didn't have to worry about it. I even saved a girl tonight." Hailey said proudly.

Dave sighed and didn't reply, looking past Hailey to the TV.

"Now you're just being rude." Hailey huffed, grabbing the remote and turning off the TV. "I saved an innocent in your name. You could at least praise me for that."

Dave silently looked over to the Hit Girl mask and wig and then back to Hailey with an even deeper glare to which Hailey rolled her eyes. "Dave…we've been through this already. That was self defense. It was her or me."

"And Marty? Todd? Katie? Marcus? Those were self defense too?" Dave growled, struggling against his restraints.

Hailey sighed again. "Sweety, I know this is hard for you to understand but Marcus was a loose end. And everyone else needed to go for us to be happy."

"I was already happy!" Dave snapped.

"No." Hailey refuted, "You were existing. You were in a self destructive loop that would have consumed you eventually. I can't just watch you do this to yourself. I love you!"

Dave let out a dry laugh. "Yeah…yeah, destroying my life… That's a huge help."

Hailey sighed again. "This is hard for you right now. I get that. But trust me, it will all be for the best. You'll see. I'm looking into it. We can get some land. Maybe a farm and just…be away from everyone. Just the two of us living off nature." She flashed Dave a warm smile, her cheeks coloring with a subtle blush as she ran her fingers through her hair. "And our kids learning to do the same. It will be wonderful Dave. Just you wait and see."

"Looking forward to it." Dave grumbled. "I can't wait for the first time one of them says they love me and you immediately kill them because I can only be yours. Sounds fun."

This time Hailey was the one who glared. "I wouldn't do that." She growled. "I'd love our children as much as I adore you. I know I come off really crazy and obsessive. I accept that you see me as a monster. It really sucks but I get it. But I'm _not_ the villain you keep painting me as. I'm not!"

"Well to be fair, crazy people rarely think they're crazy, so…" Dave rolled his eyes.

"I'm not crazy! I just want you to love me!" Hailey shrieked. "What's so crazy about that?"

Dave just stared at her blankly. "Sorry. You're right. The picture of sanity you are. Don't know what I was thinking."

Hailey's eyes bulged in frustration. "Why are you being like this?! I'm _trying_! I'm trying so hard to make us work and you just keep fighting it!"

Dave paused again. "Yeah. I guess I'm the crazy one then. I guess I should thank you for killing everyone I know, and keeping me tied up against my will."

"We tried not tying you up, remember? We did. Repeatedly. You kept trying to attack me and escape…" Hailey huffed.

"Someone clearly hasn't heard the whole, if you love them, let them go deal." Dave muttered under his breath. Then there was silence. And the silence was so loud that he actually looked up to see Hailey just staring at him. He could tell from that look that he'd just fucked up.

Her eyes slowly narrowed and she calmly left the room, going into the kitchen which was still in Dave's field of vision. Reaching into the drawer, Hailey pulled out a large butcher's knife and returned into the room Dave was being held.

"Hailey?" Dave called cautiously.

"You want me to prove how much I love you? How much I'm willing to 'let you go', huh? So how do you want to do this then? Kill you first or slit my own throat first and you have to watch me decompose as you starve to death and realize how shitty you're being to me?"

"Hailey…"

"No! This is what you want! So choose! You or me? Tick tock!" Hailey replied, a worrying calm in her voice.

Dave had to think. And he had to think quickly. "Hailey…do you…believe in the afterlife?"

Hailey gave Dave a confused look. "Of course I do. Don't fret, Sweetheart. I'll find you on the other side."

"What if…we don't go to the same place?" Dave asked, testing the waters.

Hailey's eyes softened, but her grip on the knife didn't loosen. "You're so silly. Where else would you go? You're the best person I know. You're literally my hero. And as for me, I'm killing us out of love. We'll be in the same place."

…Wow. Okay… Dave paused and pondered again. "Well, realistically I'd say you first. Because I'd try to escape after you're dead."

Hailey smiled back, lifting the blade to her neck.

"Of course, after I see you die, I might feel horrible about it. So horrible that I might not go to the same place as you." Dave breathed an internal sigh of relief as the blade stopped and Hailey stared at him again.

"Okay. So you die first." Hailey turned the blade to Dave.

"Do you know for a fact how my death would affect you?" Dave continued. "Eternity is a long time. If you're wrong. You'll never see me again. _Ever_."

Dave's words brought a fear to Hailey's eyes that he wasn't expecting, but the knife was lowered and then thrown into a far wall in annoyance. Her shoulders dropped as she turned around and walked away.

"Sweety…come back." Dave called out. He knew when she was leaving all raw like that, it meant that she was about to put him to sleep. Hailey had a tendency of tranquing him when she was upset with him. He needed to keep up the communication.

Hailey blinked in surprise at the pet name and did as Dave asked. "…what…?" She murmured.

"Sit in my lap." Dave ordered. This was stupid. Completely stupid. But he was running into a wall trying to deal with this much crazy with logic.

Hailey hesitated but once again did as she was asked, straddling Dave as she sat on him.

"Kiss me." Dave offered bluntly.

Hailey's eyes darkened, bearing into Dave's. "What…are you doing?"

"Fighting isn't working. So now I'm humoring you." Dave said casually with a shrug.

Hailey's eyes widened. "Humoring-? I don't want- …Dave, I'm not going to let you go, especially if you're just going to lie to my face..."

Dave shrugged again. "Painful truth or happy lie? Personally I'm sick and tired of the pain. So fine. I'll tell you I love you. I'll tell you that all of this is fine. I'll tell you that I forgive you. I'll tell you that I understand how your mind works and that it doesn't scare the shit out of me. I'll tell you whatever you want me to tell you."

A pained look came over Hailey's face. "No! That's not-"

Dave's head darted forward, taking advantage of their closeness, and claimed Hailey's lips with his own. It was an angry kiss. Even through the moans, the frustration and fury were clear until Hailey broke it, gently moving back, cautious, surprised, winded, and her frustration now being a bit double sided of both the regular and sexual nature.

"Painful truth. Happy lie. I made my choice." Dave repeated.

Hailey's eyes dropped as she let out a sigh. "Why…why won't you just love me as much as I love you? You won't even try. I'm not an idiot. You're humoring me so I'll eventually let you go."

"Yes." Dave admitted. Hailey always knew when he lied…somehow…so there was no point in trying to trick her unless most of what he was saying was technically the truth. "But if you're right and we're meant to be together and you're the perfect person for me, then…if I play the part long enough, I'll actually fall in love with you. You only have to worry if you're just a crazy bitch who killed everyone in my life. I don't know about you…but I'm willing to roll that die."

Hailey took a deep breath. "Don't tell me you love me if you don't mean it."

Dave smirked. "Are we negotiating?"

"Fuck you." Hailey rolled her eyes. "You know how much I love that movie."

"I do." Dave admitted with a chuckle. "Still a legitimate question."

"Yes we are." Hailey agreed. "I fucking hate this but it's something at least. You _do_ love me. You'll see. You just need to mourn a little more. I'll be patient with you."

"You're so kind." Dave replied, smirking

Hailey glared at him. "Sarcasm isn't 'humoring' me."

"You're right. You're right." Dave nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted…" Hailey mumbled, fidgeting with her hair. "So…does this mean…that if we have sex, you won't call me bad names or say that I'm raping you? Because it wasn't supposed to be like that. I… I know you're not happy with me. I just…wanted to do something nice… Something that you liked…"

Dave sighed begrudgingly. "I'm sorry. I was purposely mean. I won't do it again."

"I'm not letting you go." Hailey pointed out.

"I know." Dave replied.

Hailey looked up, her gaze reflected in Dave's eyes and vice versa. "Okay then. Humor me." Without breaking eye contact, she reached down to undo Dave's pants, a wild grin forming on her lips. "Humor me _hard_."


End file.
